Archive for December, 2011

December 6, 2011

Happily Ever Afters

I still can’t quite put into words how transformative the past year has been.  I occasionally will be hit with this realization while doing some mundane task.  I live in Oklahoma now.  I have my own apartment and dog (not a big deal for some, but I had only ever lived in dorms or my house before…I’ve also never been the sole person responsible for keeping a living thing alive).  And most importantly, I teach 20 beautiful 7 and 8-year-olds each day.  I don’t think people realize the risk I took applying to TFA about a year ago.  I had to give up everything- friends, family, career opportunities, the only state I’ve ever known…all for a gut feeling that teaching may be the job I was born to do.  Luckily, it paid off.  I thought about this awhile before I fell asleep.  I am extremely in love with my profession.  I adore my kids.  I’m grateful for my co-workers (I don’t think I’ve ever fit in quite so easily with a group of people ever). And I love so many parts of teaching- whether it’s coming up with sentences using my kids’ names to make spelling tests more fun or making up chants to build up our wise owl classroom culture, each day is kind of amazing.

I always thought of myself as a kid when I was in grad school.  I would describe myself and others as such when talking to professors or supervisors.  I still feel young and naive about many things, but I also think I’m finally becoming the person I was meant to be.  I feel so brave to have forged this path for myself with minimal support and encouragement from others.  No one was downright objecting to my choices, but no one was pushing me to do it either.  I had to make the decision.  I had to go for it.  And now here I sit.  Overwhelmed, excited, proud…content : )

On a semi-lighter note, I’ve switched into my annual Twilight coma with the release of the newest movie.  I planned on seeing it once, making fun of it, and then buying the DVD later.  It always starts that way.  But of course, I have now seen the newest movie THREE times, have re-watched the second and third movie, re-read Breaking Dawn, re-read Midnight Sun (props if you know what that is), and am in the middle of reading Twilight.  And this was all just in the past 3 weeks.  I’m hopeless, I know.

At first I felt ashamed about my re-obsession with the series- knowing it was likely my way to live out a whirlwind romance vicariously through a story.  However, I found while reading last night that I didn’t feel depressed at my own singlehood.  The books suprisingly don’t have that effect on me.  Instead they kind of make me hopeful about my future.  I know so many people who have met the love of their life, gone through their perfect wedding, and even a few who happily have a few kids.  I don’t have that…yet.  All of these exciting, simple romantic moments await me.

I’m not a cynical enough person to believe in the “dying alone” idea.  Every day I am not in a relationship is time to focus on me- who I want to be and who I am becoming with each decision I make.  I used to spend so much time thinking I wasn’t good enough because of the way I looked or the fact that I am not interested in getting drunk off my ass at parties just to be in with the crowd.  I’m at peace with just being me now.  Love, wedding, kids…I’m quite confident they’ll come someday.  I was lucky enough to find my dream job (I really should have known the whole “economist” thing wouldn’t work out…hahaha).  I think I just may be that lucky to stumble upon a happily ever after at some point, too.