Live Blogging the Superbowl: From a Non Football Watcher Perspective

Here are my thoughts on the Superbowl as it goes on.  I don’t EVER watch football (this is the first time I had to add “sports” as a category for blog posts), so my commentary may be focused on things like fan fashion, awkward commentators, and of course, the best of the commercials.  I also do not have a preference for who wins.  Look for this to be updated every commercial break.

5:20: Alicia Keys did a good job with the National Anthem.  The Sandy Hook choir was nice, but I don’t know if its appropriate on Superbowl night.  You don’t want to be sad as you stuff your face with chips and dip and watch a bunch of guys create a pile up on the field over and over again.

5:30:  Way to go on calling heads Ravens.  You are already off to an *excellent* start with your coin flipping wisdom.

5:33: There’s only been one play and they are already busting out the yellow highlighter in replays.  Was it really THAT important??

5:38: Nice catch by the Ravens.  I would have totally missed that.

5:40: Another Ravens catch!  And this one resulted in a Touchdown!  Oh, and you got the field goal, too.  Way to go guys.

5:42: Naya Rivera is in love with an M&M!  Love it!  I like all the examples of things the M&M won’t do (don’t lick me!).

5:45:  I think I almost just vomited watching the Go Daddy commercial.  They made it worse by zooming in on the girl and the guy kissing.  Gross!  Is that supposed to be funny?

5:46:  I didn’t love the goats Doritos commercial, but I love how he screamed when the chips were gone, haha.

5:50:  I like the Ravens uniform more, but the 49ers are sporting near *identical* Seminole colors.  I’m torn.

5:51: That catch was awesome by the 49ers!  It was a catch, slam, roll, and then he’s up and jumping.  The U.S. gymnastics team would be impressed.

5:53: That, on the other had, was NOT  good catch.  I like how both 49er players in the end zone just kind of watched the ball fall down.

5:54: At least Akers got 3 points with a good kick.

5:55: Oh Amy Poehler “Will this read 50 Shades of Grey to me in a sexy voice?  No.  Will you?”

5:56: I really like the primarily black outfits in the Black Crown commercials.  I kind of want to know who styled the commercial….

5:57: Yay Big Bang Theory!  Haha, Leonard “I think the pads go under the clothes….and the cup.”

6:01: I really appreciate that the clock keeps counting down even when they are just resetting everyone.  Otherwise this could take forever.

6:03: AGAIN.  Ravens are great catchers.  That guy wasn’t even near the ball and came out of nowhere to get it.

6:05:  That Ravens guy just kind of of walked around in a circle with the ball and then was tackled.  You need to throw it dude.  Your team is skilled in catching!

6:07: Wow Kaley Cuoco.  Way to dominate the Superbowl commercials so far.

6:08: So excited for the return of Robin Sparkles on How I Met Your Mother tomorrow!

6:10: Whoa.  Did you see the Ravens guys start pushing around Davis from the 49ers after the play was over?  Those guys were pissed.  This is way too much testosterone in one place.

6:13: What the heck is Jones doing?  He like danced out with the ball.  We get it.  You got the ball.  No need to prance around.

6:14: Love the Doritos commercial this time.  Aww man.

6:14: Okay, loving this Calvin Klein commercial more.  Daaaaaaamn.  I’m not a guy, and I will probably go out and buy that underwear now.

6:15: Cute wolf puppy!  Oh no.  Pissed off the momma wolf.

6:20: Another Ravens catch, but oh no!  Flags are flying everywhere.  I guess it was against the 49ers since the Ravens are super close to the end zone now.

6:21: Touchdown Baltimore!  I feel like the 49ers should go after anyone who might throw the ball.  The Ravens will ALWAYS catch it.

6:23: Uhhhh, the voodoo doll commercial was weird for Bud Light.

6:24: How is CBS really America’s most watched network?  I watch a gazillion shows and only TWO are from CBS.

6:26: Oooo, Star Trek: Into Darkness.  I like the line “I am better.”  “At what?”  “At everything.”  I say the same thing to my class all the time, hahahahaha.

6:27: I always judge the cars in front of me like in the Hyundai commercial.  If any big truck is holding a bunch of logs, I am convinced my life will become a Final Destination movie if I don’t move around it.

6:30: I want to call “Unnecessary Roughness” fouls on kids at my school.  I could use the X hand motions and everything.

6:33: I feel like they are not doing a lot of fan shots.  I want to see their signs, outfits, face paint, and reactions!

6:35: Okay, I can’t blame the Ravens for not catching that one.  That was waaaay too far right of a throw.

6:36: That camera man in the background just went DOWN in that tackle.  Poor guy.  I wonder if they get protective gear.

6:37: I might have slapped the Minnesota guy with the Jamaican accent if he told me to turn my frown upside down.  Wow.

6:38: Awww, a little girl football player.  You go Sam Gordan!

6:41: I am rooting for the guy with the camel in the Coke Chase.

6:42: The Subway Jared has really been around 15 years????

6:44: Oh no.  Another missed pass by the Ravens.  Maybe they are losing their mojo.  And grabbing the helmet? Fouls all around.

6:45: During the whole Taco Bell commercial I was thinking, why is We Are Young playing in Spanish?!?!?!

6:48: WOW.  Such a good touchdown.  I take back my comment about the Ravens losing their mojo.

6:49: Oh!  I saw one smiling fan in front of the goal posts smiling at the camera.  They really need to give the fans some attention.

6:51:  I think they just did that replay so they could play with the rewind/fast forward buttons…

6:52: Oops.  The ref just pointed to defense in the wrong direction.  We all saw that ref.  Don’t try to cover it up by switching your arms quickly.

6:53: Oh good.  The 49ers finally caught something.

6:56: They are playing Dynamite in the background!  That’s my jam!  Oh they just cut it off…  Thanks NFL.

6:57: The 49ers quarterback looks so little compared to everyone else.  Is he right out of college?

6:58: So far Akers is the MVP of the 49ers.  Just sayin’.

6:59: Are these people cheering for the players, or for Beyonce coming out next??

7:04: I like the purple squigglies (yes, that is their official name) they using in these replays to show where people have run.

7:06: Nice detailing on the ends of the commentator desk.  Extreme Home Makeover would be proud.

7:07: THAT was the halftime report?  That was like 5 minutes of guys trying to talk over each other to yell something senseless.

7:08: At least Pepsi showcases their fans.

7:09: OMG FIRE.

7:10: I don’t think anyone struts quite as good as Beyonce.  How did she just sit down like that without falling on her ass???

7:11: Oh Beyonce is laying on a platform of multiple Beyonces.  This lady is going to take over the world.

7:12: Well if anyone was worried about Beyonce dressing more conservatively after being a mom, I think you can relax now.

7:14: Oh no, she’s duplicating herself again.


7:17: I want to grow my hair out like Kelly Rowland’s to have that long hair with bangs look!

7:18: Destiny’s Child has learned how to start fire.  We should be concerned.

7:19: Is Beyonce’s mic louder than both the other girls’ ones??  That seems biased.

7:19:  I love that they are singing Single Ladies!  Ahhhhh!  they are even doing the original choreography!

7:20: I think Beyonce is sitting during Halo because she is EXHAUSTED- not for dramatic effect.

7:24: I think this commercial would be more meaningful if its purpose wasn’t to get people to buy a jeep.

7:26: The blonde girl from 2 Broke Girls had soooo much eye makeup on O_O

7:32: Oh look it’s back for the 3rd quarter.  WAIT.  Somebody just scored a touchdown in the first play?!?!!?

7:33: The 49ers coach is having an “I hate my life” face right now.

7:36:  Here we go.  A bunch of the players are shoving each other again after plays.  Calm down guys!

7:37: Not sure what that little bent knee dance move was by Jones…

7:37: What’s going on with these dark shots of the upper bowl?

7:38: Iron Man sneak peek!  It looked a little like Superman would show up instead.

7:40: Ooooooooo!  Power Outage!  Way to add some drama.  I like how even with half the lights everything is still *completely* visible.

7:44: The power is out?  Okay, let’s all do Yoga.  This is hilarious.

7:46: These commentator guys must be ecstatic to get more screen time.  Too bad they keep cutting away from them to show the yoga class going on with the football players.

7:50: Did anyone just see the really impressive cheerleader throw behind the commentators???

7:54: These players look so bored.  As do the fans they are finally showing.

7:55: They keep saying “Another 15 minutes.”  You said that 15 minutes ago.  I don’t believe you!

7:59: Do we really care about what knocked out the power?  Just play.  I assume it might be all the pyrotechnics used in Beyonce’s half time show anyway.

8:03: Wow.  The power outage gets its own count “up” clock.  This is serious.  In other news, the Ravens coach looks PISSED.

8:06: I think every power outage joke has been said.  Let’s move on.


8:11: Play is finally resuming!  I feel like the cheers should be louder.

8:14: This is officially my most viewed post in a single day.  REALLY?  The one time I, of all people, comment on sports?!?!?

8:17: They got Zoe Saldana for a Bud Light commercial?  Impressive.

8:22: Nothing beats an astronaut…okay.  These commercials are pretty lame this year.

8:22: I will not buy anything that uses Tracy Morgan yelling at me in a commercial.

8:24: FINALLY 49ers.  I was beginning to think you were asleep.

8:25:  This is now the third kick Akers has landed.  Way to go man.

8:27: Oh Psy.  I smiled at your Crack em’ style commercial for Pistachios.

8:31: Ravens screwed that kick up.

8:33: Another touchdown for the 49ers.  If they win, are the Ravens going to blame the power outage and say “It threw off our groove!” like Kuzco from Emperor’s New Groove??

8:37: I almost cried during the Clydesdale commercial.  So I am almost ashamed of myself.

8:41: Just confirmed after hearing a comment earlier that the head coaches are brothers.  Awkward….And this also proves how little I know about what’s going on today.

8:44: Did someone just foul Akers????  You better not be messing with the only player I know on the field!  Oh, he got a redo.  Much better.

8:48:  Jeez.  That Ravens player just got thrown down on the sidelines.

8:50:  Now another Raven player is thrown down by the head.  How is this not a foul?

8:54: FINALLY made it to the 4th quarter.  The 3rd quarter felt…oh…34 minutes too long?

8:59: This farmer commercial is really long.  Oh, wait, it’s not to promote farming.  In the end it’s about a Dodge Ram.

9:01: I just remembered the Coke Chase is going on.  Is that ever going to be resolved????  Still on the guy with a camel’s team.

9:03: I think the game would have been over now had the power outage not occurred.  I really need to take my dog out….

9:05:  WOW.  The 49ers quarterback just pulled a fast one over everyone.  There’s only a 2 point difference now.

9:06: Oh man.  That Sorento commercial is a good contender this year for best Superbowl commercial.  I want to visit Babylandia now and play with all the cute baby animals!

9:14: The only part of the Tide commercial I liked was when they were selling “Stain on a Stick.”  I could totally see this happening.

9:17:  I think when there’s 5 minutes left they should play “Tik Tok” by Ke$ha to warn the players.

9:20: And the 49ers coach just had a huge hissy fit.

9:24: Why do we keep seeing shots of players chewing their mouth guard?  They aren’t teething right?

9:26: Is Flacco seriously making a phone call during the last few minutes of the game?

9:27: Uh oh Ravens.  49ers might also have catching skills.  This is going to be close.

9:30: “I’ve never seen you this excited about something that isn’t food.” Nice Paul Rudd.  The secretary girl in the background was Ashley from Greek!

9:34: Nice defense from the Ravens.  Is that the game?

9:35: Hissy fit #2 from the 49ers coach.  Poor guy.

9:37: I like how that one 49ers guy is laying down in the background for a quiet moment and Gangnem Style comes on in the stadium.

9:40: Why do you need a timeout when you are ahead and there is only 12seconds left??? I really need to take my dog out Ravens!

9:41: I don’t know what a Safety is, but it is wasting more clock time.  4 SECONDS!

9:43: Another time out????????  Are you F-ing serious?

9:45: Game over.  Congrats Baltimore Ravens and  Baltimore Raven fans!

9:45:  Oh!  We got some bromance action between the Ravens coach and owner.

9:46: Ooooooo pretty purple confetti!  I feel like if I was at this game I would be rushing to leave to get out of the parking lot before the mad rush.

9:49: The show girls won the Coke Chase.  That camel guy was robbed!

Alright guys.  Thanks for checking back to this blog throughout the night.  Hopefully I’ve given you some insight on how non-football fans interpret football games : )


3 Responses to “Live Blogging the Superbowl: From a Non Football Watcher Perspective”

  1. I think you totally should call Unnecessary Roughness fouls on the kids. 😉


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