Archive for November, 2013

November 10, 2013

Right Back What is Wrong, We Move Along

I’m kind of struggling with how to even start this post.  On Monday, I resigned from my current teaching job.  Just typing “I resigned” brings up a lot of emotions of disappointment, relief, shame, hope, and shock.  So I get it if you feel any of those things, too.  I would have written this sooner, but I had to wait until it was public information (my position is now posted for someone to apply to).  Not only did I turn in my resignation, but on Tuesday I gave my 30 days notice at my apartment complex and began making arrangements to move back to Orlando.

For most, I feel like all of this is coming out of left field.  Those who are close to me know it’s not.  I have been unhappy for a long time feeling like I can’t be me and take care of myself as well as do my job.  Between working at home and working at school, I was putting in about 70 hours a week towards teaching.  Even though I’ve been cleared for boot camp with my knee, I can’t imagine having time to go.  I don’t call my friends to hang out as much anymore.  Whenever I have a free moment, I want to nap or at least lay down in front of the TV for awhile.  I don’t wake up excited to mold the minds of America, but instead worry about how I will get through the day without crying and/or passing out from frustration and exhaustion.

I see all of my Facebook friends post pictures of going fun places, eating out, falling in love, getting married, traveling the country and the world….each picture just served as a reminder of things I can’t do because I’m barely keeping up at work as it is.  The last two years were hard, but I had my weekends mostly free, and I’d usually come home during the week done with work instead of putting in a couple extra hours developing worksheets and lessons for the next day.

Some of my co-workers seem to be managing so much better.  Some are always offering to take on more and pioneer new initiatives to make things better.  Others seem to cope with the workload better because they have good friends at work.  I think I’m still closer to the staff at my old school than I am to the one I work at now.  Whether it was my knee and mom visiting, the amount of work I’m trying to get done on my own, or me just not making enough of an effort- I just never got as close to anyone this year. It shouldn’t feel like a constant struggle to get out of bed every morning.  I shouldn’t be crying 5 out of 7 days a week.  I know you need to give a lot to your job, especially as a teacher, but it’s not the right fit for me if that is how I feel.

As for moving to Orlando, I actually started applying to teach in other places in Tulsa first.  Then I started to realize how few things were actually keeping me here.  Orlando may not be the place for me either, but at least my family is there.  They can support me through this transition until I find my next home.

My last day of work will be the 22nd.  We have the week of Thanksgiving off, and I felt that would be the best transition point for the kids if I couldn’t make it to the end of December. I will be moving in the first few days of December back to my parents house as I wait for my Florida teacher certification to go through.  I know it’s not glamorous to say you are moving back in with your parents, but I am grateful to them for giving me a place to stay while I can put this all behind me and move on to a new opportunity.

My family and friends have been extremely supportive as I made this difficult choice- I am thankful to all of you.  This was not an easy decision or one that I made lightly.  My students deserve someone who’s heart is in their fight and is excited to get them on their way to college.  I feel like I can’t be that anymore since I can’t take care of myself.  Hopefully I can find my way back into that fight once I’ve had some time to recharge.  I know I am meant to be a teacher- I just have to find the right school for me to be at my absolute best for the kids.  All kids deserve that.